Have Vegetables. Will Have Sex

I won't beat around the bush, or any plant for that matter. Our vegetarian friends won't like it. So here's what made this entry possible: Vegans begin shunning sex with meat-eaters.

Yes, aside from the word sex, you read the rest of it right. Indeed, that was one bloody news for the carnivores out there. For your sexual urges to be rejected is normal and understandable. But to be shunned because you like your steak well-done, now that's really blubber, er, flabbergasting.

But I don't feel any revulsion. On the contrary, I find this amusing, if not downright hilarious. For one, it's quite funny how some people (hey, they are called vegansexuals!) would take their professed beliefs to the extreme. It's like seeing a vegetarian version of a religious extremist, except that instead of whacking everyone with a cleaver, they use pineapples.

Second, the news strikes a more personal chord, that of my hamburger-powered heart. You see, my voracious appetite is what keeps the meat industry alive. If it is not for us carnivores, the world ecological order, the food chain, pyramid and cycle would have gone bonkers. Name anything with scales, hairs, feathers, claws, and teeth and chances are, I have eaten it. Now let us not get started with animal products or this entry will get, well, cheesy.

I can see where the vegetarians are coming from when they say something about animal love. Let me hasten to add that I do love animals. But my love for them extends beyond the reaches of my heart - from my chest up to my tongue. When a vegetarian sees a cow happily grazing on a field, they see harmony and peace with nature. But when I see the same picture, I see carnage, with bits and every bloody bits of that hooved mammal on my menu.

Just kidding. But that brings me to my third point. Vegansexuals won't dare explore the anatomy of a meat-eaters because for them, they are "graveyard of animals". While advocating against cruelty on animals is admirable, it goes against the grain (pun unintended) of logic to extend their green fury to the hapless meat-eater.

So bottomline is, while these type (subclass?) of vegetarians are commendable for their steadfast advocacy, they display a kind of discrimination. Food after all signifies the freedom to choose. That's why food comes in all kinds of preparations and presentations. A person's diet does not make him or her any less of a person, or in this context, less sexy and sexual. So it's quite absurd to bring whatever it is in your dining table to your bedroom (although you can bring your bedroom activities to the dining room, but that's another story.)

But hey, while they are it, maybe I, the carnivore that I am, can indulge in their prejudices. Come to think of it, where do these vegansexuals get their energy for a night of intense lovemaking? From saluyot? Do they use those kinky leafy underwears? SO they don't they engage in rough, wild, animal sex, do they? And gasp, I can only imagine their "toys"? Last but not the least, aren't they already eating meat when they do sex? *wink wink*

*****

SONA-pabits!

Kamusta naman yun. Dahil sayad hanggang sahig ang tama ko dun sa kras kong tibak, sumama ako sa isang kilos protesta nung Lunes. Tama, nakipag-rally ang ating bida. Kasama ng ibang kapwa niya tibak, nag-martsa kami papuntang Batasan para singilin si Gloria sa araw ng kanyang SONA.

Pero, siyempre, di tungkol kay GMA ang ating kwento.

Pero bago ang lahat, sabihin ko na perstaym kong sumama sa isang rally dito sa Peyups o kung saan pa man. Sa tanda ko sa Peyups e, wala pa akong sinamahang kilos protesta. I am not apathetic. I just don't care. Joke. Noon ko pa dehin trip ang mag-rally. Pero siyempre, blessing in the skies na tong tsansang to kung sakali. Tsansa nang makita siya in action don sa SONA, kaya go agad ako! Tsaka da mubs na rin, kung magkita nga naman kami sa rally, pagkakataon para mag-usap. Parang ganito nakikita kong heart-to-heart talk namin:

Kras: "Oi! I-ikaw!"
Ako: "Oi! Ako nga! At ikaw, ikaw rin!"
Kras: "Haha, honga ako rin."
Ako: "Ako. Ikaw. Tayo?"

(Tatawa siya sabay hampas sa akin. Sasalagin ko sabay hawak sa kamay niya. Hmm, mga 5 seconds siguro.)

Kras: "Andito ka.."
Ako: (bitaw sa kamay niya) "Ah, alam naman natin na si GMA e.." yadda yadda blahblaboom.

(Tas mag-uusap na kami tungkol sa politika, bansa, kyeme. Tas segway sa usapang pag-ibig...)

Kaching! Kaching! 10,000 pogi points! Me butal pang singko, pambili ng puto!

So ayun nga. Todo papogi naman ako para sa big day. Excited e. Nilipad ko ang papuntang college kasi roon ang tagpuan. Tagpuan namin - asa! Nang malapit na ako sa may building e parang napansin ko siya sa may waiting shed. Hinihintay ako ni labiduds, sa loob loob ko. Pero nang makalapit na sa kanya e dinaga ako sa dibdib. Kaya para dehins dyahe e deretso ako sa CR. Hilamos ako para alis kaba. Tas retouch na rin ng buhok para swabe pa rin.

Pagbalik ko ay napansin kong andon na ang ibang mga tibak. At.. at... at wala na siya.

Shet na malagket! Nasan siya!!!

Fast forward sa martsa. Yung hanay namin, nasa dulo yata ng daigdig. Nasa unahan yung ibang kolehiyo. Badtrip ang buhay. Pero go pa rin kasi stopover naman sa may Batasan. At least don pwede ko siyang mahanap.

"Junk HSA! Isama na si GMA!"
"Imperyalismo! Burukrata Kapitalismo! Pyudalismo! Ibagsak!"
"Labs kita, beybeh! Maging tayo na, oyeh!"

Yan ang theme song ng rally. Maliban siempre sa huling line. Napag-isip isip ko kasi, ano nga kaya kung isigaw ko ang aking nag-uumapaw na damdamin para sa iyong sintang mahal na hirang na labs ko poreber? Tutal, ibang klase vocal chords nung mga tibak, di maririnig yung akin.

Nang biglang..!

Nakita ko siya sa may harapan! Hindi ko nakita yung mukha pero sigurado ako na siya yun. I knew because i have the power of love. Teneng! So ayun nga, naka-pula siya, color of the day. Me hawak siyang banner o bandila yata yun. So nagpista naman ang puso ko. Joy, oh joy. Siguro mga 3 minutes din yun.

Ayun, nawala ulit sya.

Fast forward ulit. Sa may Ever Gotesco na kami. Hanggang doon lang, binarikadahan ang daan papuntang Batasan. Maraming tao. Andon na rin yung ibang militanteng grupo. Mainit. Maingay. Magulo. At mamamatay na ako sa kapraningan kasi di ko siya makita-kita! Bali na ang leeg ko kakalingon at nangangapal na talampakan ko kakaikot palakad lakad. Alas tres na, ipinako na si Hesus. Kaya todo-dasal ako. Pero di ko pa rin siya ma-sense.

Kung di rin naman kasi engots, bakit don pa sa rally balak dumamubs. Grabe, desperado na nga yata ako. Hay. Kaya ayun, matapos ang ilang oras na pagdurusa (my heart, oh pain!), kahit pa may mga sandaling masaya, umuwi akong olats. Sabi nga ng UpDharmaDown: luhaan, sugatan, di mapakinabangan.. : (

Hay, kasalanan mo to Gloria!!!